I really don't know what I'm doing :-/

Hey y’all!

If you haven’t noticed yet, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

I can’t cook.

I turn on the vacuum but the dirt stays on the floor (WTF!?!)

Now I’m blogging about being a house husband and realizing that this is an actual job that someone should get paid for!

The only thing I’m good at I can’t talk about because I’m trying to keep it clean . . .

#giggity

How did I manage to scuttle through life without the basics, you ask?

I have a big ol’ booty and a smile - it has literally gotten me everywhere

Oh - I did go to the gym which was great because there was such my eye candy today (ps - my husband says that I am allowed to look!)

But then, I was compelled not to look. The guys were all peacocking. They were wearing their muscle shirts with their too long shorts to cover the fact that they always skip leg day and chugging their gallon water jugs whilst surreptitiously checking out the other chicken-legged guys in a bro-ey “no-homo” but indeed “homo” kind of way. It was a train wreck. And what do you do when a train crashes in front of you?

You watch!

Then my tooth started hurting - and I thought to myself, fuck my life, I have to deal with the American Health Care System today.

After calling literally five offices, I finally got an appointment for an exam AND a cleaning (because that’s the way it’s supposed to be)!

And after spending two hours at the Dentist, I was told to take Ibuprofen three times a day for three weeks or until the pain goes away - whichever comes first.

Because #Amurika

. . . then I cooked. I’m trying but I kind of failed today. The chicken was dry. The Kale was undercooked. My husband deserves better.

Anybody got any dummy-proof, tasty but healthy recipes? If so, please share because this house husband needs HELP!!

Peace and love,

The woefully inadequate house husband.