I Weigh Myself in Kilos So I Feel Better About Myself

Hey y’all,

So i’m on extended vacation - and I have a gym membership and a car and I can cook my own food. I recently had a physical and the doctor was like: bitch, you are fucking fat and you need to go on a diet.

At least that’s the way I heard it. Bae was in the room too and that’s the way he heard it so a gigantic fuck you to the Doctor who kept asking me “so what health insurance is this?”

I walked out of there no believing him. I mean, just a few short years ago, mama was giving you ass and titty in just the right portions . . . but then I got all happy and shit after I met my husband and stopped going to the gym and, well, hefty bitches like me put on weight VERY QUICKLY if we don’t do aerobics.

Also - Algeria stressed me the hell out. I love my peeps there (shoutout to all the beautiful queens in my life) but between my job, traveling constantly to see bae and preparing for a gigantic transatlantic move, working out kind of fell off.

So I get to Tampa - and I’m working out. I feel MUCH better than I have in a long time. You know that thing water . . . she and I are friends. Some would say bosom buddies even. I broke up with bread although she and I cheat every now and then. And alcohol - that bitch - ugh - we have a love/hate relationship that I just can’t shake.

All that said - net - I should be going down in weight, right? Wrong!!!! I have gained a grand total of . . . well that ain’t none of your business!

Suffice it to say, I am at my heaviest . . . ever!

And all of this right before homecoming. Days before homecoming, and I’m trying to sweat out what I should have never put in my body in the first damn place - because these bitches (. . . I mean, my brothers) back at Morehouse are going to come for me.

On a serious note, the mere prospect of folks teasing me about my weight had me in the fetal position last night. I’m so terribly grown - so why does shit like this still bother me. I still give you glowing face and beautifully bald head for the gods! Ugh - I feel like a teenager literally all the time.

In the midst of all of my mental growth spurting, I went to the gym today and spent a good two hours in there. I’m moving. My body can still move, praise God!

Bae and I have both decided that we are working on #winterbody2020

We are going skiing in January and I want to be bunny on the slopes! I also want to fit my booty shorts for the summer. And when we move to praia - I want to go hiking and look cute doing it and not get winded. That’s all. Is that too much?

Ugh - okay - I’m done.