if you are sick stay your butt at home!

I mean it, y’all. If you are sick, stay your ass at home.

All things considered, we have to look at the bright side of Ms. Coronavirus. It is forcing all of us to have a conversation about good hygiene.

Lots of websites are telling us to wash our hands with soap and water as the best way to prevent the virus … but this shouldn’t be new and it shouldn’t be news.

Alas, I have been in many a bathroom and watched grown ass men take a dump and simply walk out of the restroom.

But y’all want to have a potluck.

No ma’am. Not today Satan.

Now I have to admit that mama is a little nervous. As many of you know, I’m doing a language immersion in Portugal to better learn Portuguese (because it ain’t easy and most of us have failed the most recent test).

I digress.

I made my way to Dulles airport a full, black ass 3 hours in advance to be greeted not by super long lines and “extra” security controls, but by a post-apocalyptic vision of The world post COVID-19. Y’all … when I tell you I was alone in the departures hall of Dulles airport. Now, as big as Dulles is, it took me exactly 25 minutes to reach my gate from the front door.

I get on the plane to London and there are max 50 people on the plane … and one person sneezing. Here we go with the bullshit. So I do my best not to sleep because I sleep with my mouth open. The horror.
I arrive in London … heathrow was packed but everybody was relatively healthy looking.

However, the rest of my trip has so far been replete with people so sick that they are carrying around tissue boxes in public.

Now, mama’s no doctor, but if you feel it is necessary to carry a whole ass box of tissue with you, why not just stay home.

I was on my way to Porto from Lisbon and was waiting patiently on the platform for my train when I found myself suddenly flanked by two older women sneezing into giant tissue boxes.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m rude, I give them my stinkiest of stink eyes and I move to whole other side of the platform … where there are more sick people.

Im slowly starting to lose it. I’m telling myself to breathe and then telling myself “bitch, oxygen is so overrated … just hold your breath!”

The train finally comes, I make it to Porto and decide to grab some food at this cute little restaurant. I sit down and order my first sangria when a woman “achoo’s” behind me.

Okay … everybody sneezes, right. My sangria comes, but in the meantime, she has not only continued to sneeze, but she also kept doing that thing when mucus runs down your throat and you have to breath real deep to hack that shit up. At the dinner table. In. Public.

Here’s the deal. I half way understand going to work and being sick because most people (in America) don’t have sick leave. I can almost understand getting your sick ass on a train because … you have to get from point a to point b.

But girl, you are in this restaurant giving everybody corona and I’m simply not here for it. I was about to leave my payment and simply walk out when she apparently finished her meal and left before me.

In celebration, I had a second sangria because … it kills the germs lol.

In any case, I am fine. I’m going to log off, avoid sick people, drink wine and wash my hands. I suggest y’all do the same!