the gays go on a cruise
Hey y’all,
I know it’s been a while but we spontaneously decided to go on a cruise to the Bahamas because #yolo (are the cool kids still saying that?)
I feel like bae and I were talking about a cruise and then mark zuckerberg, who personally listens in on all of my conversations, told the Facebook to put the Norwegian cruise sale on my timeline: “on sale now … 99 dollar all inclusive cruise on the Norwegian Sky!”
Well if that sounds too good to be true it’s because it was but did that stop us? So we proceed to book a balcony which was only 200 (per person). But then magically they price doubled because of taxes and fees. Add in mandatory gratuities and we are up to 800 per person.
It sounds like a lot because we were promised 99 dollars per person, but when you consider that all of our alcohol, food, internet and shore excursions were included (for the most part) it is comparatively a good deal.
So we make our way to Miami and park about a mile from the Port. Parking at the Port costs about 22 dollars a day and the google promised us that this other parking lot would save us a lot of money. So we park and get in line for a shuttle filled with the “seasoned” cruisers. Immediately, they commented on how little luggage we had - one not so tactful fellow even asked us how we could have ever packed our tuxedos in such small baggage. Meanwhile, the grandpa who had the nerve to poo poo my svelte weekender seemed to be having a hard time carrying his suitcase, handbag and CPAP machine. Girl, I guess . . .
Making small talk, this one couple asked us where we were going and we said the bahamas . . . and it felt like every octogenarian gave us the side-eye. Then we volunteered that this was our first cruise.
“YOUR FIRST CRUISE?!?!?! Well, we normally take 7 weeks vacation on a cruise ship every year!” . . . if you, the reader, are wondering why we kept talking to these mean spirited geriatric ward escapees . . . let’s just say we take our masochism very seriously.
And this was the worst part of the cruise experience. Once we parted ways with the awful (And awfully rich) old people, we actually had a great time.
At the Port itself, we had no line getting on the boat. The ship itself was only half full which is great because . . . humans are terrible. The amazing staff immediately started pouring us drinks thanks to our unlimited drinks package. The specialty restaurant promptly served us a few 8 oz. filet mignons (the “s” pronounced), perfectly cooked. We drank. We enjoyed our beautiful balcony. We drank some more. We enjoyed our own private island TWICE . . . we drank some more. We drank so much that I had to tell them to stop pouring me drinks but the staff didn’t understand the words that were coming out of my mouth.
And so they proceeded to pour us more drinks.
Do you know what they didn’t give us? Water. Yep . . . plain old agua was in short supply, strangely enough. Oh - but you could buy a “Water package” for the low low price of 20 dollars for 6 20oz. bottles.
. . . as much money as we spent on the trip as a whole, you’d think I’d be willing to spend a little more just to keep us hydrated. But nope . . . I have not yet reached that level of adulting. Instead, Bae and I figured we could get enough water between our bahama mamas and our frozen strawberry daiquiris . . . because if it is frozen - then there is water . . . right?
Now . . . Norwegian is ratchet as hell, but that’s part of its charm, I think. And, you really can’t beat the price. We had such a good time that I have been looking up future cruises but to my utter dismay, the “fancy” cruises start at around 5 thousand dollars PER PERSON?! It STARTS at that price . . . so by the time we add everything we actually want, we might as well buy a Tesla.
Ugh . . . I guess we will spring for a Carnival cruise next, lol!
L.
