Facials and Compliments Galore

Hey y’all,

Today started off kind of wonky. I called a credit card company because I locked myself out of my online banking. They asked if they could send me a text message for verification, but then didn’t send a text. So they told me to call. I called and verified all of my information - to find out that they decided to cancel my credit card and send me another one without telling me. So I had to change my address . . . because we just moved to #amurika. I explained all of this, gave them all of the information they asked for - and they still said that they weren’t satifisfied. They are going to send me a piece of mail (to my diplomatic address which will then be forwarded to my parents address so it will arrive in 2020) to verify my identity.

So I get wanting to protect my identity. I really do. I appreciate it. But at this point, you’re kind of dicking me around . . . and you seem to not want my business.

I’ve been telling my very German husband for years that America’s customer service was the gold standard - but here we are - faced with the inalienable truth that most of these companies ain’t shit. Whenever I get the piece of mail, I’ll cancel the card because they obviously do not want my business.

To brighten our spirits, we decided to go to the “international mall plaza of tampa.” This, ladies and gentlemen, is where most people in Tampa spend their free time. It’s a nice mall, but I was expecting more people to be on the beach as opposed to spending money they don’t actually have.

I wasn’t expecting much. We were actually just going in to buy some cologne (check out Joe Malone and thank me later) but decided to go deeper into the belly of the beast. We actually had to pee but couldn’t find the restroom so we stopped at the concierge. I simply asked for the path to the bathroom, but this very unapologetically basic woman gave us a booklet full of coupons and told us that if we spent a certain amount of money, she would give us gifts.

Challenge Accepted.

We went to a bunch of stores and purchased a lot of nice christmas gifts - but then we went to Origins which is a skincare store. The coupon booklet called for a free facial consultation and some samples. Mama was intent on buying NOTHING but this AMAZING saleswoman glided over to us, showered us with compliments and told us how she could make our skin glow.

Bae was here for all of this. As she washed her hands and got to work on Bae’s full facial, she regaled us with her travels across the planet. This Cosmopolitan Queen gave us our entire lives. She was the personification of what it means to be an amazing salesperson. She didn’t force anything on us - she asked us if we had questions, she told us about all of the best places to go in Tampa - but the gag is our skin was SPARKLING by the end of whatever spell she cast on our faces. Low key, I think we legit made a friend today and I am here for it! Unfortunately I didn’t get her permission to give her a proper shout out here, but if you are ever at the international mall of tampa, go to Origins and get your entire life!

So we are both feeling very pretty today - not only because our new best friend beat our faces for the Gawds, but because random people were also telling us how pretty we were. When we went to the food court, Bae went to Chipotle and I decided to get a chicken sammich from some no-brand kiosk. As I walked away, the young lady behind Bae in the Chipotle line told him how beautiful she thought we both were.

I mean, my titties are sitting mighty high these days, but I certainly don’t expect people to call me beautiful! Either way, it is nice and random and totally insane that people just decided to show us some love as a couple today.

We were done shopping for the day, so we went back to the concierge to collect our free stuff (a thank you card and an airplane travel case) when the concierge “formerly known as Basic” asked us if we wanted to sign up for a time share presentation. We both gave a cute “thanks but no” when she said - “well, what if this man asked you, would you do it then?!”

**Cue LaSean as he clutches pearls**

Now, she’s so basic that I am SURE she did not mean it the way I heard it. And actually, as I turned my head to throw her just enough shade for her to catch it, I noticed the too-tanned barbie man was also gay.

And thirsty.

I still don’t known about Tampa, but at least we made one new friend today (I think)